Birthday Wishes and A Way Blogging Improved My Everday Life!!!

Today is the day to celebrate the love of my life’s birthday!!!

I am so glad Hubby was born.

I can’t describe it – I keep trying on this blog, but it never feels like I quite capture the magnitude of my deep gratitude for this man.

I have gushed plenty about him in days gone by and I’m sure I will in the future.

Today I will share how a blogging project saved a fight and I believe strengthened my marriage.

Last month I started the weekly thankful marriage challenge – which I stole from here.

If you want to see my lists you can check here, here, here or here.

I touched on how participating in this challenge affected my everyday wellbeing. How thinking of forty different things I appreciate about Hubby really spilled over into the way I felt about my entire life.

When I shared this realization, I had yet to discover that this simple challenge would actually serve to be very useful in an extremely practical way.

A handful of days ago Hubby and I had a misunderstanding. I said something and he took serious offense, I had only meant it as a joke, but he was upset and embarrassed. I could instantly tell he was angry and I responded with my own anger. My immediate interpretation of his actions; he was being an overly sensitive jerk, why did he have to be such a baby??? “Grumble, grumble, grumble…..” We had a house full of company; the atmosphere was tense while the two of us gave each other the silent treatment.

After everyone left I told him what a jerk he was being and called him a name I know he hates and of course he responded just as I knew he would, by storming off and calling me an equivalent insult.

I was steaming mad.

I jumped in a bath because that is what you do when things are bad.

I can only attribute what happened next to The Spirit inside me, but I was reminded of my list of forty things that I so appreciate about hubby. I thoght of a comment my mom made, to remember them when things aren't so great. They ran through my head, soon I wasn’t really angry anymore. Funny how that works hey??? When your mind is full of positive thoughts it pushes the negative out!!

Naturally once the anger was gone I started thinking more rational.

It occurred to me that it didn’t really matter the intention behind my words, the fact was it upset my husband, it made him feel like a fool and it embarrassed him. The other fact is I am so proud to be his wife, so proud that I had it added to our wedding vows by specific request – I wanted to stand before 300 people and proclaim that I was proud to be marrying this specific man. Of course I felt bad for upsetting him. In reality the fact that I did lack a hurtful intention caused me to feel worse – I had spoken thoughtlessly and hurt someone that I loved. Why hadn’t I felt bad right away??? Why had I reacted in anger in the first place???

Because I needed to be right………………………………………………………………………..

I knew then I owed him an apology.

Wisdom that I know came from beyond me spoke deep inside as I realized another key certainty.

Hubby IS a wonderful man with a huge heart, but he doesn’t lose angry feelings instantly. I knew that an apology wouldn’t suddenly fix the hurt and anger he was feeling. Once again because my anger had melted I was thinking with a clear head and it occurred to me (I think maybe for the first time in my life marriage) that his anger didn’t have to function on my specific timeline.

Really??? To think that someone actually has a God given right to feel differently then I; the all knowing blessed so and so thinks they should???? Could it be??? Could this be what I was contemplating???????

I am convinced that a sincere apology should erase all wrong doings and negative feelings, but shouldn’t Hubby be allowed to process his own feelings in his own way?????

So here is the really big deal……

I went to my husband and I sincerely apologized for upsetting him. I didn’t harp on my lack of hurtful intention because that didn’t matter. And then………… I let him be!!!!

I wasn’t apologizing expecting a cure all – I was apologizing because I felt I had done wrong…..

BIG difference between those two things.

We went to sleep – he was still angry and I was sad that I had upset him.

* Disclaimer * Now I know that everyone says you should never go to bed angry and maybe one day Hubby and I will reach this point, but I have to tell you one thing I have learned in six years of marriage this advice is 100% bogus for us – trying to force a resolution has caused more damaging fights then I can shake a stick at!!!

The next morning Hubby wasn’t himself and I was even sadder that I had hurt him.

Guess what?

It is pretty hard to stay really angry at someone you love who is saddened because they did something to hurt you.

It wasn’t long till I had a hug and an admission that maybe he had been a bit silly reacting to what I said the way he did. And life carried on…………

It isn’t all that long ago this story would have played out VERY differently. Damaging words would have been spoken, nothing would have been accomplished except for setbacks to overcome in the future and the time lost being unhappy, stressed out and angry would have at least doubled!! Oh and not to mention neither of us would have slept that night….. this would have thrown everything for a loop for who knows how long!

I do believe there are many, many factors to this improvement and I am not naïve enough to think it will always work out this well. Still today I cannot believe what a difference a blogging challenge made.

Seriously I urge everyone to do the same – even if you don’t post it on the internet, I really don’t think you have too much to lose!

Now back to the day at hand – Happy, happy birthday my sweet, sweet husband!!!! I love you so!!!!