The Resurrection of A Dream

An idea to write my Dad’s story was born in August 2010.

I’m hoping finally in February 2012 pen might actually be put to paper.

I don’t know what inspired me to try again, but try I am going to.

When I initially approached Dad, his response was that he had no story to tell. Of course this isn’t true; everyone has a story to tell.

I had thought that perhaps the best way to extract the gems inside would be to give him a tape recorder and let him go.

This has turned out to be one hundred percent ineffective.

Truth be known the failed project crossed my mind only occasionally and without any resolve to attempt to solve it. Today, out of nowhere I was inspired to try again. I am going to attempt sitting and talking to him a couple of hours a month, tape recorder on, capturing whatever there is to capture.

Tomorrow I will pitch this notion to him. We shall see what he thinks.

This project of mine doesn’t have any clear intended goal. Obviously the idea of a published book crossed my mind, but even if it is just his story written for his family I would be satisfied.

I fear that getting the entire truth out of the man I first loved, may be difficult. The 30 years I am interested in are the ones that occurred before his decisions involved me and what would be best for our family. They are the years before I existed.

The question I wish to answer is the one originally posed by a co-worker in 2010, how does a wanderer with no real direction end up the man your father is today?

I always took for granted that my Dad’s vagabond past and today’s rock of my family somehow naturally co-existed, that it wasn’t a puzzle as to how one became the other. It took an outsider to point this out to me. Why didn’t he end up like so many of the men he traveled beside, most of them long, gone now leaving behind families they abandoned long before their untimely deaths?

It is a question worth asking. I of course know that falling in love with my mother was a pivotal moment, like any classic love story the love of a good woman can make all the difference. Still I somehow know there is more. I think there were a series of moments that culminated with the meeting of his one true love. It is these series of moments I am interested in.

It is these series of moments I think many people would be interested in……

Now here’s hoping I can, one hour at a time pull them out of him.

February 2012 Some Day List Tasks

So here is my February plan of action – working toward accomplishing my 2012 Someday list!

1. Bible Reading Continued

2. Send 1 card or letter per week

3. 20 sit ups and push ups each day

4. Visit dear senior friend

5. Get I-pod organized

6. Mud & Sand spare room

7. Organize & Print camera photos

8. Visit Hubby’s Grandpa

Really going to try and focus on the Wednesday and Sunday review of these – I am carrying my notebook with me now – this should help.

Wish me luck!!!!

Someday List - January Review.

Figured I should post a January progress report and get my February goals set since this month is short – I know one day longer than most February’s but still short, and if this beautiful spring like weather keeps up I am sure it will fly by!!

So my Wednesday and Sunday reviews were a total failure! Going to do my best to get on this because I am pretty sure it will help with accomplishing everything.

1. Carry on with Bible Reading Plan – check! I missed a couple of days, but always caught up really quickly and stayed on track.

2. Send 1 card or letter per week – well I sent five cards the first week, but then nothing after that. Sooo I call this a fail – because consistency is what I am trying to achieve.

3. 20 sit ups and push ups per night – pretty much fail – accomplished this close to 30% of the month – not so great.

4. Find out for sure what the recommended steps/day are – so simple and I never did it – although I am rethinking the whole pedometer thing anyways so I am going to call this a revamp not a fail.

5. Visit dear senior friend – fail…….

6. Gather old pictures – Done!

7. Take pictures @ hubby’s birthday party – Done! I not only did this, but did manage to take quite a few more pictures generally then I usually do!!!

So there is my status update – tomorrow I will post my February list – I hope I am more successful!!!

I did it!

Worked long days, plugged on through lunches and coffee breaks, went through four bundles of paper – that’s 2000 pages, drove all over the country side collecting signatures, received well over two hundred e-mails, sent just as many, but I did it!!!!

I met all of the deadlines! Two of them I reached four days early!

I wasn’t just MIA in bloggy land; I was MIA at home too. Hubby was amazing – played Mr. Mom like no other could! The girls were awesome; put up with being waked by the phone rather than by me, saw themselves off and left the house in good order.

I sure got the royal treatment when I did get home, nothing to do; wonderfully prepared suppers served up, one night Little Sis even salt and peppered my food for me!

Like most things the realty of the week was not as hard as what I imagined. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! It is amazing how the resources and blessings pour in when tasks need to get accomplished! God is good!!!

I still love my job. Even during these rare crazy times. I have to say the sense of accomplishment and delight was pretty awesome as I filled a file box yesterday with bound, complete proposals. Wonderful Hubby took that box for me today and is delivering them, what a great guy!!! Another blessing!

Yes, yes I do love my job, and I am so thankful for the blessing of having it, but today I am even more thankful that weeks like this are the exception and not the rule!!!!

MIA - Buried Alive.

I have been MIA - I hate being MIA especially when I had been on such a roll posting regularly. I love my job, I really do, but sometimes deadlines come upon me and I end up with piles to do. This is one of those times. In fact this time I keep thinking there is no physical way I can get this all done in time. I am pretty sure I will - through the Grace of God go I! I did manage to get a bit stressed yesterday - hubby could tell I was in a funk - he is so awesome though he let it go! I love him! I hate it when stress causes you not to be tip top at home. I am cooking with gas today though so feeling better. Just figured I would pop on here and let you all know where I am and what I am doing. I am at work - writing grants, I will be here until Friday at least......

To Do Lists

I love To Do Lists – I use them partially as a reminder tool, partially as a means to stay on track, but mostly for the internal satisfaction of visually seeing items crossed off.

Up until today I never thought about my approach to my lists.

The same best friend that inspired my recent contentment post got me thinking about how I go about making my lists.

So here is how I do it. On days when I work I always have two lists going. One for work and one for at home. I approach my work list almost like a wish list, putting many items that I know I might not make it to, especially if a pressing e-mail comes in or I am asked to divert from my list and perform another task. My home list is typically the same and consists of my different daily routines which are usually easy to complete. I almost always get my home list complete and almost never get my work list done. On my Mondays and Fridays off I always try to pick at least one day to be ultra productive and on those days I approach my home list in the same manner that I approach my work list and yes quite often I don’t complete it.

Now on the rare occasions when I do the satisfaction I get is huge. I described it to my friend as a Grand Canyon type of miracle feeling.

She said that she always attempts to break down her tasks into manageable chunks and so most days she gives herself the satisfaction of a completely crossed off list.

I see the wisdom in this. It would save feelings of being overwhelmed and would give you a daily sense of accomplishment.

I also see the wisdom to the other approach and think it lines up with a saying my grandfather used, “Shoot for the stars, you may only land on the roof, but if you shoot for the roof you will never get off the ground.”

Of course you do have to realize that you have shot for the stars and be content, not overwhelmed and frustrated on the common day when you only land on the roof.

For me obviously my approach works. At the end of each day I contemplate what I accomplished and typically feel good even if there are many items left uncrossed.

Likewise obviously for my friend her way works and keeps her from feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

So here are my questions;

Do you write To Do lists?

If you do which approach do you take and why?

Days Gone By... Growing Aches......

I am 16, part of me knows the world is much more complicated then I realize. I know there is a dark side. I sense though that it is far from me. I am some how removed, possibly immune. I am wrong……….

I am consumed with myself - my friends, my car, my job, what I am doing tonight, who I like, who might like me, what I think, what I feel, what I don’t feel………..

We hear about a party, a friend’s dad’s birthday, we are invited to check it out.

We cruise around, there are no better options so why not?

We arrive. The father is angry at our friend, his son.

We are descending the stairs; I am the first in line. Below me is the father, in front of him the son.

The father turns to me and calmly asks me to hold his rye and coke. I take it. The father turns away, grabs the son by the collar and begins to pound his fist into his head.

I am numb.

I knew this happened, but not in a nearby town on Sixth Street??? Not to someone I share a school hall with???

The father turns back to me. A casual thanks as he takes his drink back.

I am disturbed. I don’t think I can be more disturbed. Again I am wrong………..

It is my car, and I decide this is not where we need to be. We leave. Perhaps two minutes have passed we go out the back door. The father sits on the front step smoking a cigarette. He calls to us; he doesn’t understand why we are leaving so soon, the party has just started. He laughs and tries to convince us to stay.

I am more disturbed.

I am instantly nauseated by the fact that it doesn’t occur to this man that what just happened in the basement might ruin a party.

I am pretty sure I made it to the car and off the front lawn before I began to weep. I am pretty sure, but I am not positive.

I remember not only weeping for my friend, but for my innocence and for the world…………..