The Ugly Truth – Sometimes Christmas Isn’t All Sugar Plums And Candy.

In case you haven’t picked up on it, I love the holiday season. I honestly love Christmas and have been blessed with so many wonderful, great, outstanding Christmas memories; my cup overflows.


Today I feel the need to confess, my life isn’t perfect and I have had some not so great Christmas memories. A family member dying, some drama with an Aunt and her boyfriend and a few family spats here and there. However I don’t dwell on these small blips and they don’t ruin the season for me.

Still, sometimes I feel a touch of melancholy. Sometimes I miss what has gone before, I miss those that used to be. Today I would like to share one memory that ignites flickers of sadness.

I find it interesting how the mind works. Until the end; this story was laced with extreme amounts of hope. The end takes place nowhere near Christmas, in fact Christmas is when it began, when hope was the strongest. Alas when I think of the beginning I am thrown directly into the river of the entire story and carried by the current, tossed unwillingly to the very sad end.

Thirteen years ago sometime in December my family shared an early Christmas dinner with my grandmother. My grandmother had been stricken with Alzheimers at a very early age and after living in our home for a number of years she was moved to a nursing home. They always put out a really wonderful spread at Christmas for her, which was fantastic, at this point she was too far gone to come home.

I was sixteen; I had my license for just over six weeks. That day I was thinking about a boy. A boy that was in the “rough” crowd of our small town school. Back then he was an enigma. He smoked pot and had been to jail!! Oh my! I had learned earlier that day that he’d been kicked out and was “living on the streets”.

This was a big deal to me, my class mate without a home?? I was no different back then, when something was a big deal I talked about it. All through dinner and on the ride home I talked about it. I wasn’t stupid and I knew my parents were listening and I knew they were the kind of people that helped in these situations. Sure enough before we’d gotten home my dad told me to tell that boy to come stay with us for a few days till he worked things out at home.

Well a few days turned into a handful of months and it came out that his upbringing was not great and there were reasons he was somewhat of a delinquent. My parents really tried to help him, he was like a brother to me, a brother that all my girlfriends took turns dating!! There was high school drama, social worker drama and through all this my parents did their very best to make a difference in this boy’s life. Eventually it came down to him refusing to live by their rules and he chose to move out.

There was still some contact between him and me, but essentially it was the end of our friendship.

Some years passed and I went one way and he went another.

Here’s the thing, although the time he spent with my family didn’t work miracles it at least made an impression. Considering this boy’s lifestyle and how nomadic he was I still always knew where he was and had a phone number. When I would run into him, he would be with new friends and they knew about me and my family. Through all the partying and all the drugs this boy talked about us. To top it all off, he still had this fancy lighter my parents had given him for Christmas, he’d always proudly pull it out whenever he seen me.

If I was twenty nine and this same situation happened, what would I have done? I would like to think that I would have seen all of it for what it was. I would have connected the dots, I would have seen God’s hand in it and I would have asked Him to use me. I am very sure that I would have prayed and I would have prayed and…….. I WOULD HAVE PRAYED……..!!

Sadly I wasn’t twenty nine; I was eighteen turning nineteen. I was living in the same small town I had grown up in. I was pumping gas, figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I was friendly and outgoing and I had really come into myself. I went to the pub and everyone knew me, I had a nice little social group. I really thought I was somebody.

Quite honestly I never thought of this dear friend of mine. Furthermore when I did run into him I was embarrassed. He was a druggie and dirty and always so out of it and after all; I WAS SOMEBODY! I was going places, I was doing something with MY life. I didn’t know what I was doing, but it was something that’s for darn sure!!!

October 1st 1999, it was my nineteenth birthday. I worked the morning and everyone who was everyone knew it was my birthday. Boys that were a year or two older than me, who had been part of the “in” crowd in high school came by the station to take me next door to the pub when my shift was over. People made me special pizzas and the pub ended up packed. Of course now I see it wasn’t because of me, it was just one of those magical pub nights when everyone happens to not have plans and is in a good mood. Back then these factors didn’t occur to me and I lapped it all up as if it had everything to do with me. I was on top of the world, I had beers on ice so many were bought for me, and I had shots I gave away because I couldn’t drink them.

The world was my oyster.

A handful of years before I would not have thought of having a celebration that did not include the troubled boy, someone I considered as close as a brother. That night the celebration flowed and I never thought about him. Not once did I wish he was there.

On October 1st, 1999 - I sat in a small town pub, on top of the world the troubled boy who’d been so dear to me, the same one I had prayed for and hoped for was lying all alone on an apartment floor, forty five minutes away from that pub……. dying. He too had just turned nineteen.

I found out the next day. I cried and I felt so guilty. I kept thinking - I knew where he was, I always knew and I never reached out. I had to face the ugly truth that I didn’t reach out because I didn’t want to.

Now don’t get me wrong I am not bold enough to say I could have saved him, in fact I think quite the opposite. None the less I still feel to this day that God was speaking to me in some way and I was supposed to do SOMETHING.

What happened all those years ago seems so senseless and so sad and I hate to say that I am a better person because of it, but it is true. It was a wakeup call like no other. I got some perspective, I seen how small my focus was, how narrow my view. I seen a world out there beyond myself and I started to grow.

I sometimes shudder to think what I would be like had I stayed stuck. Had I stayed feeling like some small town super star……

I still have the stocking that my parents bought that boy 13 Christmases ago, as they tried their best to fold him into our family. Every Christmas I think of that boy, I think of the girl I was and I think how at one time all I wanted to do was help him and how ironic it is that in the end he was the one that helped me. Thank you and Merry Christmas my dear friend…….. Today I DO miss you and today I so wish you were here.

Tally It Up Tuesday - Christmas!

Soooo here it is! The Tuesday before Christmas!


Ready or not – here it comes!!!!

I am basically ready, I have been busy between work and home, but work is winding down, just over a day and then I am off for eleven – hooray!!! It looks as though I am going to accomplish all that I wanted to before the break which is another big hooray!! That means no working from home needed! Well in theory – sadly cells phones and mobile email don’t always make that possible, but at least I won’t be trying to pound out some big grant while celebrating the holiday season!!

All my gifts are wrapped and tucked away (all but two that I forgot to buy – I will fix that tomorrow, or should I say hubby will fix that tomorrow!). The house of course is decorated and is relatively clean, just in need of a touch up before company comes. My mother in law will be staying with us for a few days and everyone is coming over for Christmas Dinner.

I am hoping that over my break I will be able to knock off organize every cupboard and closet off my “To Do” list. Of course that will be AFTER Christmas!! Other than that large daunting task, my mind is currently filled with holiday To Dos.

Starting tomorrow I will be going on a cooking extravaganza! My mom has a back injury and although we are still doing our traditional Christmas Eve celebration there she is in need of help. I love to cook and I love making different things. So she purchased me bags of ingredients and I will do my best tomorrow and Thursday morning to assemble them into some tasty treats!

Here is my contribution to the night: (there will be other tasty goodies brought by other guests – I love the food on Christmas Eve)

1. Veggie Platter with Bacon / Ranch Dip & Dill Dip

2. A cheese ball made to look like a Christmas Wreath with crackers

3. Salt & Pepper Wings

4. Asian Wings

5. BBQ Wings

6. Bacon Wrapped Water Chestnuts

7. Bacon & Cheese Pastry Pinwheels

8. Crab Bites

9. Spinach – Ranch Dip with Sour Dough Bread

10. Devilled Eggs

11. Hot Artichoke Dip with crackers

12. Stuffed Mushroom Caps

You can see why it is consuming most of my time and why I am so excited about it!!!

For Christmas Day I am making Turkey with old fashioned stuffing, Cranberries, Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potato bake, Asparagus Bake, Broccoli & Cauliflower Supreme (meaning a cream cheese, Ranch, Dijon Mustard sauce), plan ordinary corn for the fussy among us. Ma will bring her famous chiffon pumpkin pies and cucumber salad!

For an early Christmas gift from my father in law I got a Wii Fit Plus – I’ve been doing it, I have set goals and I plan to stick to them. I have to be honest though I am not going to pay a lot of attention to what I eat between Christmas and New Years; instead I am going to watch what I eat between New Years and Christmas next year!

Ohhhhh how I love this time of year!!! Merry Christmas to All!!!!

Thankful Thursday

Life is busy…. busy, busy. Between Christmas preparation, Christmas visiting and work is very busy! I am so thankful to have from December 24th to January 4th off, this means though the crunch is on. Several grant deadlines are the 31st of December and people are coming in left, right and centre trying to get applications in under the wire!!! I am not complaining I like feel productive and useful, but it means many lunches I have worked through, it means less time for blogging and for reading blogs!


I am thankful for so many things…. As always I could go on and on this Thankful Thursday, I’m thankful for family, friends, joy, good food, the new satellite being installed, baking with family, Christmas concerts etc. etc. To save time rather than write out a long list I am going to highlight something I am VERY thankful for today.

This was the temperature Monday night.

And this was the temperature yesterday afternoon – I LOVE Chinooks!!!

For those that don’t know what a Chinook is here you go:

A warm dry wind that descends from the eastern slopes of the Rocky Mountains, causing a rapid rise in temperature.

A strong Chinook can make snow one foot deep almost vanish in one day. The snow partly melts and partly evaporates in the dry wind. Chinook winds have been observed to raise winter temperature, often from below −20°C (−4°F) to as high as 10°C to 20°C (50°F to 68°F) for a few hours or days, then temperatures plummet to their base levels.

And The Winner Is.......

Okay so as promised today is the big announcement of my small, but never the less exciting very first giveaway contest winner!!!


One lucky person will be mailed a Kneehill KidSport Calendar and will also be entered in a draw every month of 2010 for $50 Canadian!!

Okay drum roll please!!! Dum, dum, dum……

I entered the number of entries into a random number generator site to come up with the winner. (#5)

And the winner is………..

Coupon Clippin Mommy!!
 
Congrats Coupon Clippin Mommy! Thanks to everyone who entered my first giveaway – I hope this is the first of many!!!
 

As I side note! It is very cold here again – hubby took this shot in his work truck and for me on the way to work it actually at one point hit -40…. Brrrrr!!!!

Last Chance To Enter My First Ever Giveaway!!!!

My first giveaway is closing at midnight Sunday (December 13)!!! So far only six people have entered sooooo that means the odds are VERY good!!!!!


Please enter here!!! I will announce the winner on Monday morning so be sure and check back!!!!

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!!

Thankful Thursday

Once again I have much to be thankful for this Thursday!


I truly am your everyday blessed so and so! Blessings shower down on me all the time! I know I take so much for granted – it is my heart’s desire to one day reach a level of maturity that I take nothing, not one single blessing for granted….. sadly I am far from that level, however I will offer up thanks for some obvious miracles.

So for this week I am so thankful for:

1. The wonderful celebration of our fourth anniversary at Tommy Burger. Such a neat burger joint and it was awesome to hang out with hubby and Little Sis.

2. That we had time while in the city to stop and get my nephews Christmas gift we can only get it in the city and it is so rare that we are there.

3. That ALL my loved ones remained safe and sound during the nasty blizzard on Friday and Saturday.

4. That our snow days allowed for some minor renos and rearranging – I LOVE it!!!

5. That I was able to get out and about Sunday afternoon and do some great visiting.

6. For the incredible sunrises and frosted trees when it was sooooo cold!!!

7. That my boss is sooo understanding and is letting me miss an evening meeting next week so I don’t have to miss Little Sis’s Christmas concert.

8. That even though our satellite installation was cancelled because of the blizzard it was only moved to next week AND my great boss gave me that day off too.

9. For such a wonderful shopping trip with all the girls (my girls, Ma & Kel) last night.

10. That even though there were silly drivers and bad roads we all made it home in one piece.

11. That Little Sis was able to get her hamster a couple days ago – she’s been so patiently waiting.

12. That Christmas cards have started popping up in the mail box! Hooray!!!!

13. That my fantastic dad bought us a beautiful live tree and we are decorating it tonight.

Okay I shall wrap it up there. I could go on and on, but I guess you get the picture! Happy Thursday! Hope you’re feeling thankful!!!

I Love My Job!

I love my job!


I really mean that! I would and have done my job to some extent for free!

I am a grant writer, which can mean some dull research and some slow times, but the fantastic thing is the people I meet, those who I am exposed to and how much these people give to me!

The nature of my job means that real community minded people seek me out. The grassroots sort of folk that work behind the scenes, they have big dreams and it is all for the betterment of others. They aren’t searching for money for themselves they are searching for tools to be able to help others.

Most of them are talkers (we have that in common) and most have life philosophies they love to share with me. I learn so much, they inspire me to be a better person!

Yesterday a man from a community in the county walked into my office, I had never met him and he started in giving me the history of his organization and painting a picture of their financials to me. What he was concerned about was being able to handle small repairs such as replacing a door when all their cash on hand was needed for basic operating costs?

So I started laying out the possibilities for him, I started small and went up, telling him what was needed, how much work was involved and so on. Of course I offered to write any application that was needed and so on.

By the time this man left he was drawing me pictures of major renovations and talking of fundraising projects and three year plans! He shook my hand with such passion, smiling and professing how happy he was to meet me!

It felt good to give a few ideas to a man (a stranger) and watch his inspiration grow. I don’t have the passion he has for his particular community, I’ve never set foot in the facility he loves, but it brings me such joy to see his passion and determination. Yep I love my job – who wouldn’t do this for free??????